'But why?!': Daughter-In-Law Seeks Solace After Learning That Her In-Laws Are About to Move Into the House Next Door

Author image for Sienna Varady
Sienna Varady
May 28, 2024 4:00 PM EDT

Family should always come first. Even so, how would you react if your in-laws purchased the house next door and wanted to relocate 'within walking distance' of you? Would the thought of your mother-in-law's face scare you every morning, or would you be grateful for the extra help?

The daughter-in-law who is frustrated is described in the story below. The original poster (OP) and her partner recently bought their first home together. At first, everything appeared to be going rather well for OP, but things rapidly took a turn for the worse when her in-laws informed her that they had started looking for homes in her neighborhood.

So be sure to read the story below if you're interested in finding out exactly what happened and whether OP held her ground and expressed her feelings regarding her in-laws' upcoming move! Additionally, remember to read the story of the wealthy woman who says no to her SIL's bachelorette party invitation since it will never live up to her expectations!

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  • 01
    Anyone else have an MIL who moved to the same town as you? How did you handle it?
    via canva
  • 02
    Anyone else have an MIL who moved to the same town as you? How did you handle it?
    via u/ibrokethedishes
  • 03
    We just closed on our first home (yay!) which is exciting. It's me, my husband, and our 10 month old. Things with my MIL have been, not horrible, but at the same time pretty annoying after babe was born. She just really changed and we have to find a way to deal with comments/set boundaries as she is also our part time child care. Anyways. MIL basically said she would "wait to see where we land" and then move there herself with my
    via u/ibrokethedishes
  • 04
    FIL. So she is now looking for houses in our new town. I'm bummed. But you can't exactly tell someone you're banished from living in the same town, right? She is a big fan of the "we're in the area and would like to drop by." So that is something we will have to deal with. Ironically, I could never do the same to her (nor would I want to) and have to run all babysitting days by her weeks in advance to fit her very busy social calendar and vacation schedule.
    via u/ibrokethedishes
  • 05
    So I'd love to hear from anyone else if this has happened to you. How have you dealt with it? Has it impacted your relationship with your partner? How do you set boundaries? ETA: When we were house hunting my parents also suggested we look at homes in their town. And I very directly told them we love you and love your relationship with baby but we would not want to live in the same town because we need a little distance. They took no offense. So I feel like my husband should be able to do the sa
    via u/ibrokethedishes
  • 06
    BaldChihuahua • 7 hr. ago I would not hesitate to say exactly what you said to your parents to MIL/FIL. Obviously, DH needs to have this conversation with them. I would also ask them why would they want to uproot themselves, what are their expectations, then c p all over those expectations lol.
    via u/BaldChihuahua
  • 07
    Point out if you wanted to live close to any family, you would have. People need space, you're a young family, you deserve your milestones.
    via u/BaldChihuahua
  • 08
    hotmesssorry. 2 days ago Practice saying no to the drop ins. Her "We're in the area and wanted to stop by." Your husband / you: "We really wish you'd let us know in advance, we've actually got other plans. Life is so busy these days, maybe next time if you give us enough notice."
    via u/hotmesssorry
  • 09
    It doesn't matter if those other plans is sitting in your undies eating donuts. None of her business.
    via u/hotmesssorry
  • 10
    swoosie75 · 2 days ago The fact that you use her for childcare complicates things. You definitely need good boundaries. Not just with her but with anyone really who asks things of you that don't work for you. Your husband should be
    via u/swoosie75
  • 11
    then one to set these ideally. But does her being closer actually help you with babysitting? What's your DH reaction to all the times she said wait and see about moving?
    via u/swoosie75
  • 12
    CrazyForSterzings 2 days ago I posted this in response to another thread, but folks seemed to like it so I am reposting it here. Hi, MIL - I just wanted to reach out to you regarding visits to our home.
    via u/CrazyForSterzings
  • 13
    In order to avoid further awkward situations when deciding to come over, we will require at least one day prior notice if you would like to visit. This will ensure that if we are in the mood for guests, we can be gracious hosts and that the visit will be pleasant for all of us.
    via u/CrazyForSterzings
  • 14
    Although we are often at home, our presence here does not mean that a visit is acceptable. Please understand that if you choose to come for a visit without getting the go-ahead from us at least one day before, we in turn will choose not to answer the door. Thanks for understanding and we look forward to setting up our next get-together.
    via u/CrazyForSterzings
  • 15
    WiseArticle7744 · 2 days ago • You (your hubs) says the same thing you said to your parents. My in-laws tried to buy a house 7 mins (different neighborhood from ours but still closeish we'd have separate supermarkets) but on the same. street as our daycare. My husband spit out his water and said "too close!" We wanted a
    via u/WiseArticle7744
  • 16
    25 min buffer and they didn't realize that it's really an hour bc there's always traffic. I also said to them (we don't have a good relationship) nothing's going to change- you won't be invited to the kids' birthday parties (we do grandparents events with them), you won't be invited to our social events with
    via u/ibrokethedishes
  • 17
    our friends, you won't be invited to sporting events... you won't be doing school pickups. (I asked once and they didn't show up on time it is a whole story but never again). It may ruffle some feathers but you have to protect your peace.
    via u/ibrokethedishes
  • 18
    IamMaggieMoo · 2 days ago OP, repeat to MIL that as you told your own parents we love you however we need space to live our own lives. Perhaps even a blunt with a smile MIL, I hope you aren't thinking that by moving closer to us we will be spending more time together. We are pretty busy with our own lives.
    via u/IamMaggieMoo
  • 19
    Current-Anybody9331 2 days ago. edited 2 days ago Answer the door n d and pointedly look down at your rug that says "You Have No Reason to be Here" then look back up and shut the door while never breaking eye contact. I haven't done that per se. I do have the rug and I've come to the door in a robe or towel
    via u/Current-Anybody9331
  • 20
    when people have showed up unannounced. I also have all sorts of books and the S nic Temple on on serial k my coffee table. It's less about what's said and more about how uncomfortable I can make it for my evangelical inlaws... ETA - typo
    via u/Current-Anybody9331
  • 21
    imsooldnow. 2 days ago I did that once to a friend that would not get the message, despite it being very clear. She said aren't you going to get dressed? I said no, I wasn't expecting company and I don't want any and shut the door. She called or texted from that point on. Definitely works!!
    via u/imsooldnow
  • 22
    lookforabook · 2 days ago • Oh god....I want to cry just reading this, YES this happened to me in the past year and it has been an unmitigated DISASTER!!! Just today DH and I were venting to each other, wishing we'd known how this was going to turn out so we could have done something to stop it.
    via u/lookforabook
  • 23
    It turns out distance was the only thing keeping the relationship with his parents bearable. Once they got here, they were the most manipulative, conniving people I have ever seen. Their masks slipped, as the saying goes.
    via u/lookforabook
  • 24
    It's like we've been to h and back. There was a time when we were very seriously considering divorce. Thank God, we are back on the right track right now, but we are looking at most likely cutting them off for good. DH has been working hard in therapy and doing the really hard work of trying to dismantle his enmeshment with his parents, which I commend him for.
    via u/lookforabook
  • 25
    You are correct that you can't stop anyone from moving to your town. But the best piece of advice I have seen in all of this fiasco is to make clear to them before they move that the relationship you have with them will stay the same. Meaning, if you see them three times a year now, you will continue to see them three times a year when they get there. This will quickly throw them into a tantrum because they were
    via u/lookforabook
  • 26
    going to be coming to town with a long list of unspoken expectations that they will hold against you and use to turn your life into a living Do some reading on enmeshment if DH is not on the same page, this was the "aha" moment for my husband that thankfully helped him see what was happening.
    via u/lookforabook
  • 27
    Original_Rent7677 2 days ago I know a couple who followed their adult son and his wife when they moved to a new town. About 12 months later the adult son and his wife moved again to another state. The parents couldn't afford to move again so ended up stuck in a place they didn't really like but tolerated because they thought their son/dil would never move again.
    via u/Original_Rent7677

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ask reddit family drama daughter in law neighbors marriage baby neighborhood-drama reddit story family feud married life babysitting mother in law family moving Parenting Fail
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